Another year, and decade, has rolled around – my fifth, I abjectly admit. As I write this, we are all suffering. The catastrophe of 2020 is surely mocking us, especially when only 2 months ago we were on the sidelines crying rivers with every “breaking news” alert that our sunburnt country is on fire. How can it be when this time last year my home town was recovering from a devastating flood? Absurd. Ludicrous. Unthinkable! It is just too much to bear. My heart breaks for those who have lost their jobs, homes, pets, businesses, farms, health, wealth, lifestyle and in some cases, their loved ones to the devastation. SO MUCH LOSS! I have found it profoundly difficult to write my year in review – 4 months to be exact, but with social isolation as my inspiration, let me try my best…in a hope to inspire you with this little story…
Each year for the past 5 years, I have claimed a “word” to mark my intention for the forthcoming year; ACCEPTANCE, TIME, LOVE, MAGIC…
My word for last year was “ENGAGE” – to offer my life or word as backing to a cause or aim. I succeeded! 2019 was a big year of engagement for me, the most significant of all was moving away from a career, and moving home to be closer to my family – a promise of peace and plenty. The decision to move home has already delivered more purpose, joy, and peace than I could have wished for. However, in my glory, I have been digging up rough diamonds from the mountains of coal my life has thrown at me, and it has been quite overwhelming. Moving home has been laced with memories of the past; familiar streets, places, faces and lost loyalties that trigger strong emotions. It’s true, the loss has been profound. The loss of people, dreams and stuff that was once so important to me – that defined me – is now gone. Each pang of failure, shame, and grief has taught me that abundance and loss cannot exist in the same space. When abundance flows, it wraps my heart up like my Mum’s warm, comforting hug. Loss, on the other hand, is the most complicated relationship I have ever had. Whether it has been the loss of love in a relationship or friendship, the loss of faith or belief, freedom or money in businesses and investments, the loss of mobility or good health, the safety of a home, or the death of life plans, dreams, and loved ones. Whatever the loss, I realised that when I indeed lost something of value, it dimmed the light in my life. Why? Because I am human, and I allowed it. Acknowledged. Understood. Aware. Grieve. Let go!
There wasn’t a day last year that I didn’t glanced in my life’s rearview mirror and thought, “what if (I, we, she, he, us, them, that, they, we..)?”. Oh, the temptation of hindsight is a broken promise indeed. For a while, I allowed myself to mull over in my heart all of the dreams and stuff of the past… but, it really didn’t serve me. So, to hell with that… This year, even though it is fraught with uncertainty, I vow to dismantle the rearview mirror and concentrate on my life mantra of being present and appreciating the abundance of friendship, time, love, magic, and engagement I have in my life. Amen!
This life of mine has been extraordinary! This decade has been tremendous! This year, I will turn 44 in 2020. Woohoo!
If you are still reading this, picture me in my beautiful new home, sitting in my cozy library, beloved doggos snuggled up in my lap, surrounded by my books, photos and memorabilia, sharing with you my intentions for 2020 – my year of “Peace and Plenty”.
I hope this message may inspire and sustain you, make you smile, heal your loss, rouse your passion and bring you peace and plenty in 2020.
[Image: PEACE. Local Markets, Denpasar, Bali. I will return.]